a report from midnight news..

if you’ve spoken with me, you know i have a thing for puns. it’s starting to show itself as something more of a handicap, though. and the more i hear/watch television, the more i believe puns are funny only to the dorky white guys that make them.

it’s ridiculous to hear people talking about the “loss of life”. “seventeen people lost their lives today..” do you think these people are out there roaming the highway, slapping their foreheads saying, “damn it! where the hell did i put that thingy?”

..to a fault..
..to a fault..

like with my grandmother. i don’t know how many times i’ve heard “i’m sorry for your loss.” it’s not as if we don’t know where she is.. in fact, we know exactly where she’ll be for a long time. as her grandchild, i was given the chance to place a memento in the casket. when i showed my mother my “gift”, she immediately vetoed it. it was the classic exploding worm from the peanut can. i decided to go with that since i would, as a kid, scare the bejesus out of her. but why shouldn’t i put that in there?! what’s going to happen, that i scare her to death? (don’t worry, i didn’t actually say that)

ok, another one: is anyone a little confused by the headlines “russia invades georgia”? is anyone thinking of the state just west of alabama and wondering if the russian just really want tons of peaches? perhaps to boost exports of peach schnaps..? (yes, i recognize schnaps is german..)

is it just me or does anderson cooper look like he’s trying out for “zoolander 2: more better good looking”?

"Words can only hurt you if you try to read them. Don't play their game."
"Words can only hurt you if you try to read them. Don't play their game."

and by the way, for anyone else that stays up late, an over-the-shoulder organizer.. is a purse!

now the cnn anchors are sharing their myspace pages. the end of the world will follow shortly, i assure you. apparently the facebook url (and yes.. they actually said this).. the facebook url is “too convoluted” to post on the screen. if i see that any of you have “friended” a cnn anchor without being at least their second cousin, then i disown you as a friend. and i will subsequently remove you from my linkedin profile, which is a professional and respected site for grown up business purposes only and isn’t a thin veil for the nerds of the social networking scene who want in to the cool crowd but just can’t hack it (that pun, by the way, wasn’t intended.. 😉 ).

2 thoughts on “a report from midnight news..”

  1. Wasup with the new pen name ending with o? are you Italian now?!!
    Well, as you love accuracy, The state of Georgia is EAST of alabama last time we checked!!!!!
    and schnapps is english, the german is with only one p….
    How come i can not use the caps lock??!!!
    Good to see that u are back writting!!!!!!!

  2. You are better than you have ever been, whether you have realized it or not. the fat lady is quite pleased with what you’re bringing to the table.

    P.S. what are your thoughts on reincarnation? Can we talk about this on wednesday?

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