by paulo on July 31, 2009
i like the redwoods. i feel at home there. so very small, me, lost in their entanglements. i’m so much less than them, so overlookable when about their trunks, their great bodies and masses. there are so many remarkable things in a redwood forest, i would be just a grey bit of matter, not much more enganging than the granite about their bases. i image i could just as easily become part of their roots, a bit of branch in the canopy. nothing but a splinter. when they would someday fall, i could be nothing at all, not a sidenote in their victories, their tragedies. everyone would mourn the loss of the great, thunderous soul and weep not for that which shattered when the father of satellites crashed back to earth.
i hate the desert. standing there, like a king taking stock of his domain, i can’t help but feel incredibly awkward and out of place. for miles, you’re the only sign to set eyes on from horizon to horizon.. and i have to message, no passionate cry to push on the masses. the desert is not my setting, not my state. i am not a miracle of life in the dizzing absense there of, which seems to be the aim of how a desert, making you feel as though you’re the moses to its thirst.
in the redwoods, you can’t help but think about other things. in the desert, there is nothing but yourself is a sea of wanting of water. i’m not of the desert – i am with the trees. there’s something so perfect about being less, about being nothing at all. it’s makes you forever apart of everything. when you’re a king, though, you’re seperate, you’re alone. i am no king. i never want to be. i want to be a part of something so much bigger than that. i want so much to be less.
“it seeed that, in time, all the substance from one image would flow into the other and only one would remain: leo. he must grow, i must disappear.” -herman hesse, journey to the east
anyway, it’s been a bad day. possibly a bad week. and in this week, i feel that i’ve been walking through a desert. if i fall, so does hope*, momentum, vision. in a desert, i’m bound to become a pillar of salt.
put me among the trees, let me run free and unnoticed, let me plant seeds namelessly.
* while i’m unspeakably thankful for obama winning and being in the white house, it’s somewhat unfortunate that he seems to own that word and that it now seems slightly cliche. it is, unlike the campaign might have portrayed it, transient, renewable, resilient.
** i make no claims to understand what i mean when i write at 12:20am after a long week.. so, should you ask me what i’m sayinig in this, i’ll deny (honestly) any understanding.
this is a blatant attempt to actually my 500 goal for at least one week this year -word!