do pilots these days get trained on how to have possibly the most dull sounding voice possible? i feel like i’d rather call the cable company and get bounced around for a while on their automated phone networks than listen to another pilot explain in the dullest terms possible what the next four hours are going to be like.

i honestly can’t describe to you how irritated i get when i hear them over the loud speaker and they get going full swing. why do they always have to end their sentences by speaking through their noses and with a decrescendo?! if they want to add emphasis to anything, it seems like they just raise their eyebrows.. don’t they know we can’t see that! instead it comes out as (if anything at all) as a mild increase in volume in a sentence destined to end with a nasally downfall.

it just sucks the life out of me to hear people so uninterested in life or their speech. don’t get me wrong: i know they’re probably great, exciting people who, outside of the cockpit, are pretty damn fun.. but what goes on in there that makes life so painfully monotone? it nearly sets a state of a panic in me: for a minute, i fear that life is destined to be like that moment, monotone, old, stale with recycled air, muted colors, and surrounded by people constantly half-asleep. i hear them and immediately my outlook on life starts taking a nosedive into some nameless field in the middle of unknown land.

one day, though, i know i’ll fly with a pilot with a sense of humor. as a happier parting note, i’ll add this bit of humor that was apparently overheard.. real or not, it gives me hope that there are people out there fighting the overpowering dullness that threatens to drag us into the doldrums.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child.. pick your favorite.