[started last tuesday, 3/18.. happy to say i’m not at work tonight, working until 1am or so. instead, i’m at home.. writing until 2:30am 😉 i’ll blame it on soccer games that start at 11:15pm]
it’s tuesday.. and already my eye is twitching. is that bad?
seriously, though, my left eye has been twitching since around 3pm or so and it’s flipped my day on its head. it’s nothing more than a simple twitch, probably a deficiency of potassium or some other mineral cnn warned me about years ago. but the mind is a funny thing.. a simple twitch can conflate a little bit of knowledge and a little bit of fear and anxiety and suddenly i have a cerebral avm that’s minutes away from a complete bleed out.. or several massive gbm that are pushing against my ocular nerves. and, no matter the diagnosis, i probably won’t be waking tomorrow morning without at least a little blood trickling from my ear. [i’ve been reading a new book, another day in the frontal lobe, one that i’d recommend despite the uninspiring title.. so, sorry for the random references]
given the prognosis, i quickly resigned myself to my fate and contemplated my life as lived in that day, tuesday. now, i recognize there’s already shadow hanging over my thoughts. after all, it’s tuesday. does anyone in this country enjoy tuesdays?
anyway, it got me to thinking about why i’ve been working so hard and if it’s what i want to be doing. the first question isn’t so bad: i’ve been working so hard because there’s a lot of work to be done. the second question is much more difficult to answer.. and perhaps it’s not even the right question. i’ll leave it at that for now. well, actually i’ll leave it at “i desperately want to leave it all and travel the world” or “i’d love to disappear for months and deep water solo in mallorca then live and climb in australia for a year” or “i want to ditch it all and work in a cafe”.. yeah, i’ll leave it at that.
an interesting parallel: since i’ve been working so late, i’ve been cruising ted.com. now, i’m a sucker for a good story or speech, which is why i love npr’s this i believe, but this take it to a whole new level. two that i’m particularly hooked on concern choice and choices. mainly, they come to the following conclusions: too much choice can be detrimental; chances are, you’ll be happy regardless of your choice (assuming the proper qualifiers are considered); most pain isn’t as painful as we imagine it is/might be and that recovery is usually quick. it’s the second part, that your choice has little impact on your happiness, that’s especially heartening. think about it, think about the weight that can relieve.
the point of this post was, i guess, just to consider the little things that can turn a day on its head. a simple twitch had me contemplating the meaning of my life and looking for tickets..
I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.