someone got it! or at least, someone finally vocalized that they understood.. and it made me so happy to read it.
my friend p’s blog has a great title. this mosaic. i was just thinking about it and how brilliant it is and how life is a big mosaic of all of your loves and experiences and whatnot. life is art. what a lovely thought.
admittedly, i had a smile plastered to my face when i read that.. especially since it reminded me of why i chose “thismosaic”. there are more than a few times in my life when i have a pretty significant amount of time to myself, usually while driving to go climb. during those drives, i get the chance to think about life and all the little pieces that make it up.. and i love it. so many people, so many different things that might break in here and there.. and they all fit to make some bigger picture i tend to call “my life”. it’s always changing, always shifting, always surprising, tiles and pieces always being added.. there’s something unspeakably grand about it all..
unfortunately, i lost that smile later on in the post. it’s not that any of it was a surprise: i’d known the basics for a while. what got me was that i’ll again be losing friends to a move. these guys have been nothing short of amazing.. as a small example of a larger trend: for christmas, they invited me to (the family) dinner at their house. when i couldn’t make it because i’d come down with a stomach.. thing.. they actually brought the meal to my place. now, i’ve had some pretty great people in my life and some pretty amazing gestures of kindness.. but this ranks right up there among the top.
they’ll be missed around here, there’s no doubt about that.
it’s hard, though, to sit next to a conversation and not listen in to at least a little bit of it.. so i sat there, enjoyed the second-hand smoke, and eavesdropped like a champ. now, of course, i can’t remember anything of their conversation.. but that wasn’t the point. the point ended up being that, by the time my friends showed up, i was jealous of the two girls. no, not because of their marlboros or their coffee or their dramas.. but jealous for their shared company. i think i’d realized it before then but never quite as clearly as it was to me sitting outside cg: ..i (i paused here for several minutes before writing more).. i don’t feel i have a friend here that i can talk to the way those two were able to sit and have a coffee and a cigarette and a conversation.. i’m jealous because.. well.. i’m a little lonely around here. i hate saying that because it sounds so sad. but, well, when i’m honest with myself about being here and where i’m at.. i can’t help but to notice at time how lonely i can be here.
in high school starting in my sophomore year, i took college courses at the local extension campus. now, i have to say, while that sounds like heavy hitting, believe me.. it wasn’t. it didn’t take me long to realize that, for the most and at least at this school, professors loved to hear themselves talk. and some how they seem to talk on exactly what was assigned for that week’s reading. it’s almost as though they read the chapter, did a little extra research, then spoke extemporaneously for as long as the university would allow.. huh..? 😉
now i didn’t let this little factoid go to waste.. nor did it pass me by that, though they talked tough on attendance, they often didn’t follow through on it.
there was a semester when i actually did go to class.. but that had more to do with jena. jena was twenty-four and answered calls at the extension to help pay tuition.. i was sixteen, seventeen. we were just friends, though she’d occasionally chime in with, “if you only a few years older..” we’d hang out and tell ourselves that we still weren’t crazy because we were at least asking each other if we were crazy.. and that must make us sane.. right?
