the other night i lost my green nephrite (jade) pendant.. again. yes, the truth is i’ve lost that pendant dozens of times. and [knock on wood] it’s come back to me everytime.

i picked it up while i was in new zealand on the last few days of trip. i actually got two, the one i wear and one slightly smaller, and gave that one to c. they’re simple.. green jade cicles with holes with thin, tattered string hitched through them. the circle, though, has special meaning to the maori

the closed circle is said to represent the circle of life, which has no beginning or end, is seamless and of which we are all a part. it also tells of the stars and planets which are part of the circle of life and contain the knowledge of our origins. it is often used to enclose other elements such as the koru, linking love and new life or new beginnings with the circle of life. for an artist the circle represents the relationship or oneness between the artist and his craft, bringing together head, hand and heart.

now, i think it’s a nice idea and all, especially the seamlessness of life and the universe, but it’s not as though i live my life that way. mostly, i just thought it was an interesting thought, some cool jade, and had some meaning behind it that c and i had often spoken of.

so, the point of all this..

sunday night, when i realized it was missing yet again, i got pretty flustered. usually when i lose my necklace, i have a decent idea of where it is. this time, though, i couldn’t be sure since it fell out of my hat at some point during the night. i wasn’t sure if it fell out by the bench, on the field, or in the parking lot.. any of which could’ve spelled the end of it all if a kid found it before the building staff did. when i thought about it more and how bare i felt without it around my neck.

i guess it struck me as interesting for a few of reasons.

first of all, it’s a stupid round rock on a string. for all practical purposes, it’s more a hinderance than a help. in fact, it doesn’t help in any way other than some type of mental solace. afterall, when i run with it on, it usually ends up turning on its side and slowly slices away at my sternum. after about three minutes, it’s unbearable and i have to stop to take it off anyway.

then another thing: when i picked it up from the cafe, the guy laughed for a bit and gave me a hard time. “how many times have you lost this?” he asked. “what are you going to do to make sure you aren’t going to lose it again?” truth is, there’s not much else i can do. i really do try to keep track of it. if it ever did get completely lost, i’ve decided i’d have to take a flight back to new zealand, relive the entire trip, and then and only then find the exact same type of necklace to act as a pretty sorry replacement for the original. until that happened, i would be incomplete as a person and live with my head in the clouds, walking the halls like a

i got to thinking just how annoying it can be when people talk about taking things for granted or not appreciating what they have. the truth of it is, though, that i don’t think i take my pendant for granted at all. sure, i lose it from time to time.. but that isn’t a reflection on how much it means to me.. just a note on my ability to keep things straight. losing it doesn’t set me straight or make it suddenly more important to me.. it merely made me think that i need to get things in order. i can’t spend my life thinking 24/7 about my necklace and where it is.

of course, these thoughts bleed into others about life and living. i don’t claim to be one of the best friends around.. i’m pretty bad at keeping in touch.. actually awful at it. but that has never meant that i don’t care about those people, or that i take them for granted in my life, or that i’ve forgotten them. all it means is that i’m still trying to get my life in order.

because right now.. it’s.. well it’s kinda lost somewhere